30th October 2008

Stupid Classes. Stupid Place. Bugging Stuff. Will stupidities never cease? Sitting in class. Logged in and blogging away to glory. Life, I tell you. What's amiss? An ipod. Some mind numbing music. He he. Granted, it's still just thursday and not the weekend as yet. But the weekend fever's on. For that matter, it has been, for the whole week, hasn't it? Some week this has been. Most people webbing, many others chatting and yet some more still stuck onto the conventional means of entertainment - newspaper. Advantages of a wi-fi enabled boring college. Dam. I AM hyper-critical. Well. Not my fault boss. This stuff IS bore-ing. Well. Until I find something utterly useless to talk of again. Chow!

24th October

Net Ahoy!!! We finally and actually have internet in the college. And that, for us, is nothing less than what Tenzing Norgay might've felt. Ok ok. So we had nothing to do with it. But the wait I guess, more than makes up for it. I cant express my jubilation at typing in this blog from my college in the middle of a class. Shameless, I know. But it's ok. Its not like this class matters all that much. I don't know how many people are actually sitting online now. But, this I can say, not many give two hoots about whats happening in class. Ah the wait. Oh the struggle. Oh the un-connected existence! The wait is over. Once and for all! Ha Ha HA HA. Ok, that was supposed to be a mean laugh ;)

Speaking of which, it reminds me. Life's getting quite.. uneventful. Yea well, they werent exactly connected and this wasnt something I was reminded of when talking about that. It just felt nice to say that. Anyways. Life.. just seems to be getting more and more uneventful. The subjects are all basically uninvolving and unengaging. Not that I'm not trying. I did try in those finance classes, didnt I? Anyways.. Until next blog I guess...Chow!

19th of October

Yea yea. Grin away to glory. Yet another blog titled by the day and not by something original. Big deal! This week that passed was probably the most hectic week ever since I had come to this woebegone forest army camp. Jeeze! I just realised I have a hell lot to read and write now, suddenly. Waaah!! :( Well, extension of the hectic week. It was so much running around and all! Having been made the Class Rep and all has had quite a bit to contribute to it, I guess. He he. The bragger, yea! I wonder if things'l get worse still once the editorial work begins. I mean, how bad can people get? It should be easy, I'm hoping. Crap. Dam this keyboard. After the comfort of the keypad this keyboard seems like a drudge. Got a summary and a bloody review analysis on a dam huge company's annual report due. And yea, the inevitable weekend packing for yet another week of abstinent hostel stay. My language has gotten static. Thers like ZERO improvement since the past few billion years. Unless I get reading and soon, things are gonna worsen for me on the academic scene.

I've developed this strange nauseous sensation after eating anything. I wonder if I'm contracted jaundice or if my stomach has gone hyper sensitive to its capacity and has finally started signalling the same or if I'm going anorexic! 1st case, uh uh. I dont want it! 2nd case... not too bad a thing. 3rd case.. no ways! Being an anorexic is the last thing I'd want on my list. But I wish I could beat this feeling.

Well, long day again tomorrow. Until next week, I guess.

The Twelfth Day of October, Two Thousand And Eight, Sometime in the wee hours of the Morning ;)

I'm happy today. As in, the now-today. Lol. That implies I'm optimistic about life. Things seem and feel nice. The world's a nicer and happier place to live in. The sun is shining. Well, not exactly at this hour. But yeah. It's a nice feeling. :) Which kinda makes me think. About happiness.. What is happiness and.. How long does it last? He he. There I go again. Okay. I am going to make a genuine effort to not drift off to the dark side ;) Today was a fairly ok-ish day, actually. Nothing unusual or extraordinary. Woke up to the same sounds and noises. But strangely, it seems I murmured in my sleep. What, I'll never know. It piques my interest to know what I uttered when I wasn't saying things voluntarily. Cos.. That's my subconscious talking. And, that's gotto be interesting. And probably that has the answers I'm looking for too. But then, if it already had the answers, shouldn't I be less enthusiastic to find answers, to say the least? Maybe my subconscious has a mind of its own. Lol. Ah well, my bright sweet summery world. I think I'll retire, for tomorrow's one hellova long day. Ta-da! :)

How many times would I have been told to clean up the mess in my room? Just how many times was I told to pack my bags, study, be ready etc? Ready for what? Why, to get back to the hostel of course. And every time there's the same reluctance. Why? Desperation. In a frenzied state of desperation I come home, all ecstatic about a holiday. A prolonged holiday that lasts more than 2-3 days. And then? I wait and bide time lying online all day, talking to all, god knows whos. I bide my time. I eat now, only to go eat again later. I sleep, only to wake up. I wake up, only to go to bed again later. And I bide my time. I keep at it, till it can't be done any longer and I'll have to be packed off for the next bout of academic exuberance and dredging. And all for what? Just so I can wait unendingly for the next session of holidays. And so it goes.

Ok. So I'll take a minute off to examine this pointlessly monotonous existence. Everytime I hit this rock bottom, I sit and analyse. Except, I can firmly say I'm not really depressed or anything like that. Just plain bored. But what come of this gloriously scientific analysis - a Solution to life's problems? I WISH!!! Pattern. Monotony. Rut. Life. What change might I be seeking? Fun? Friends?.. On a rather deplorably pathetic note, people?

Why not Read something? Oh, I would anyday be glad to Read. Except, what is there to read? What new emotion or feeling can any poet or author talk about now? Science, I am not much into. Physics, I only wish I had a firmer grounding and a more solid understanding to appreciate it in totality. Philosophy? Sorry, I am too rebellious and independent to seek someone else's. Something that could rekindle lost inspiration? Yes. Perhaps. To what avail? Only so things could be glossed pink for some more time to come. And then this varnish wears off. And then... Then what?

This varnish lasts only till you can come back for another layer of varnish. That is till, say next week. So I suppose I won't have anything to say till next week. That is of course, assuming, I will have found myself something to read. Hope... We live off it, don't we.

To Write or Not to Write

This is the ultimate misfortune - writing for the sake of it and not because there really is something to say. Well, let us hope there will be something to say that will unfold by itself in the course of this pointless typing. The weather outside is as stable as can be and all calm and normal. Not at all something that would warrant any action or excitement. But I cant guarantee it won't change because I just made a specific mention of its normalcy. At the same time, there lies here an implication of a hope for something un-ordinary. That is inevitable. What am I ranting? God alone knows. Okay, moving onto less confusing and irritating things now.

I got new glasses! And they look hideous. For one, the lenses are so huge, they could be used by two people at once, besides me. I know. I suck at selections. I never claimed I had a great choice. I cant select anything. Clothes, jewels, colours, glasses. Nothing. Okay that's just one side of the story. The second part now. Whenever I wear them, it's like getting hit in the face. It's like a blow! The power's way too much! The doc said that IS the power. Then why does it seem so much more. Things are clear enough when I wear those glasses. But I end up giving myself a headache whenever I wear them. God..

Tsk tsk..

You feel your throat go dry. You can feel the clasp around it. You can feel the tears ebbing out. You feel your very life evaporating out from your body through... your mouth. And yet you remain seated just as if nothing had ever or ever will happen. How stony a person ARE you? But then, if you've managed to survive the biggest blow of all any heart can ever experience.. These are just thorns aren't they? Long, sharp thorns. You will live. You will see. You will feel. You will die a thousand deaths in your mind's eye. And remain alive at the end of it all. When will this stop hurting? When will the soul be rid of this experience? Why can't we choose to erase things out from our lives without inflicting the society with a malicious psychotic with a sweet day face and a creepy night one? Why can't you just pass out once and for all and finish the damn thing?! Ah, there lies the point. There's no finishing it that ways. You die, you die. You can't finish unfinished arrears that ways. You pay for all you ever did.. Die a miserable life. And then live to finish it with what the world perceives as death. And then? And then, you're liberated. Finito. The story's done child. Now go to bed.