Here’s something I should’ve done a long time ago. Goodbye, adieu, farewell, whichever you might prefer. I am sick and bored. I am not jaded. But yes, I am too blank and empty to go on continuing like this. Can you see and make out when a person is on the verge of it? Can you? If yes, then you might recognize my countenance. Can you be transported to another place in another time by just willing it? Would wanting out and making arrangements for it enable you to fulfill that? I am sure there must be SOMEONE who would’ve wanted to conduct these kinds of experiments in a life time. But I must suppose with equal surety that it is absolutely impossible to record the findings and leave behind a trail, without perhaps, terrorizing people, if we are considering that possibility. But since I do not wish to venture beyond the realms I can reason, we are not going to consider that possibility. When you’ve covered all those stages of wondering if you were so unwanted, you're not left with all that much to wonder about, in that respect. You're past ruminating on that and you want to move onto another level of wondering. And that would be? I’m still in search of an answer. There is so much to be done. Can being a workaholic solve things? Does anything ever solve anything else? Or does it offer a temporary deviation? I suppose I’d have to make do with a deviation for now, the now being, a life time of time; A life with a lot of time. A lot of time wasted in the illusion of life. From where I stand, of what I can see, or what I presume I perceive, personal life, if I may be permitted the romanticism, seems void. Really, how wrong is it, to suppose you can be naïve and imagine and perceive and believe in that mirage and actually get away with that? ‘Cos that is what it ultimately is, isn’t it? How big a price MUST you pay for choosing to go with the illusions life throws your way? Offence is the best form of defense. Look before you leap. Trust not, whatever comes your way. All that glitters is not gold. How many things would we have heard in one stupid life time? What is the point? All these so called proverbs, which are supposed to have concocted the epithets of life, the guidelines and rules for a so called meaningful existence, all of these, they just drop away. They fade into oblivion after a point. And then.. and then what? What are you left with? You're facing your naked true self in the mirror and everywhere you look you see just that. There isn’t much to see, by the way. Granted, there isn’t much to see. Then why do you still keeping coming face to face with this self of yours. All for what? Why are you here? Where are you headed? Why are these questions forever unanswered for good? Why do you have to keep coming back here?
2 comments:
Hey Rama,
Good to have a reply from you, and wow you've said a lot in this post ! Well the problem I see is: an over-active mind, that simply refuses to stay at a particular line of thought. It's kind of strange that you first give the answers and then again question them.
The answers to all the questions you've raised (in the last few lines)is pretty simple: stop looking for a meaning in life. There is no answer to our existence or the meaning of life, instead create a meaning. Create goals, achieve them and then when you stand in front of the mirror, you can see yourself clearly and the niche you've created for yourself. And about" the being transported to another place in another time just by willing it", you've already achieved it with your writing, so dream more, get creative and keep expressing yourself.
It isn't wrong in segregating your daily life, one for work and one just for yourself (where you get to express yourself and find the motivation for the other half of your life: work), so here it is once again: do not stop expressing yourself, you'll surely find the answers you seek.
Cheers,
Sudarshan.
contemplating.. its ur fav. time pass.. isn't it? lol.. u'll never change ! the meaninglessness of life, of ur existence,etc & etc.. meanwhile, deviations are the only solutions.. i agree with that.
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