Stepping up

When all's lost, all over, all endured, all past.. When all that's to be has been and all done, what is left to be done? What, but to rise again? 

From the deepest abyss must you rise that much higher. Strength is not a trait, but a habit you learn, from lack of luxury of weakness. It's not a choice you make, it's a stroke of fate that chooses you, when it shows you how strength is the way out. Call it a survival skill, if you please. 

Cheesy as it may sound, there might actually be some takeaways from movies, for lack of a more practicable life guide. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and start loving yourself. 

What do you love doing? What do you love about you? Let's seek, and we may actually find it!

Musings

The simplest lessons in life are often the hardest. In theory we may be familiar with things like humility, equanimity, grace, magnanimity of spirit, simplicity. When it's time to demonstrate, we surprise ourselves when we fall short. It's easy to believe you're the best you can be, easy to be lost in your own mind. Easy to think you have all the answers. Easy to believe you're always in the right. Easy to feel misunderstood. Easy to feel wronged. Easy to take offence readily and extremely easy to blame others for everything always. Easy to feel victimized. It's hard to find out the truth about yourself. It's hard to maintain your grace and composure on your worst day. It's hard to smile when all your insides are screaming at you to let it all out and cry the thing off. It's hard to step off your self erected pedestal and see what you're actually doing and see that you may actually be wrong. Pride comes easy. Humility wrought by understanding, comes for a price. A price we often would've never paid, had we known. When you're still reeling from the aftershock of the payment, it's a little disconcerting when you realise you've learnt your lesson and there's a lot of time ahead (probably) to apply that learning. There are somethings in life that should never be lost. Walk a mile in another man's shoes before judging him. How simple and true. Yet why do we always need to experience something to actually understand it. With all the options we have for living, which do we choose?

Far better than necessary

This is the tag for a recent jeans commercial - Levis, to be specific, that got me thinking. While some of us are still struggling to get the basics right, to understand the what and how of what we choose to do, there actually are some people out there who have gone beyond that. There are people who have set standards and benchmarks for others to follow and have constantly broken their own records.

With a population demographic that's not worth boasting about, with such vast human 'resource' and such reverence across segments of society for education or achievement of some form, how is it that we're not out setting benchmarks and standards for others? Every once in a while there's a Mumbai Dabbawalas or a Venkatraman Ramakrishnan. Could our obsession with the intellectual elite be part of the reason? Intelligence, though, sadly, is not about figuring out the mysteries of the galaxy, or the human body, or the atoms or god particles alone. It's also about finding something as simple as an everyday piece of clothing like the humble, but now exalted jeans, and taking it to a level of performance and perfection that is a trail blazer for so many others to follow.

From the little I have known and seen, I know there is no dearth of people who have had visions and the courage to pursue these visions into reality to churn out successful businesses out of nothing. But like James Collins has said, we're too content being good to bother about being great. I remember reading somewhere that Homer never wrote more than a few lines of his Iliad a day, because he wanted every word he put on paper to be epic. He could not and would not compromise the sanctity of his work by simply putting in everything that crossed his mind. He did not give in to an illusion of vanity. Instead, he paid an ode to it. That's such a far cry from the verbal diarrhea ( to borrow from Bridget Jones) we see turn into movies like Twilight that come to haunt our sanity.

Beauty

Beauty is measured not by colour, not by skin texture, not by frame, not by name. Not even by posture, grace, or long finger nails. Ever wondered why it is said that 'beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder'? One could say that each man perceives beauty differently. Why do you think that is..

Many poets and aesthetes of yore spoke of the beauty of trees and birds and spring and bloom. You would be blind not to see beauty in those. It's there for all to see. And you're not really pushing your god given perceptive ability in attempting to see and appreciate that. Ironically though, it seems to take a herculean effort for man to see the beauty in his fellow beings. Our generation, it seems, has taken superficial longing and attraction and love to a whole new level. Sad part? No one sees it for what it is. 

One can philosophise about the whole damn deal and say, karmically speaking, each gets only that which he deserves. That has to be true. Does willingly walking into a hell hole make it any different? 

Or maybe we're too well informed and are hence more critical, judgmental and cynical. We see the superficiality for what it is, squirm and complain about it, yet participate actively and promote it, even if only involuntarily, philosophise over the futility of the whole endeavour and then indulge some more in it. 

The endless cycle of cynicism, useless perceptive awareness, inevitable helpless participation and hence retribution. Is all of this enriching our journey and quest for purpose of deviating us from the course? But then isn't the point of this whole journey self realisation to the extent possible and maybe even more? Sometimes it seems a lot easier to be hard on oneself than to be hard on someone else. 

Truth

Do not speak, unless it be from experience. There are so many people to speculate, who lead second hand lives, accept what's handed down to them and have no clue what life as an adventure means. They're not worth listening to. Instinct and gut feeling are severely underrated. Individuality it seems is a murky word. No I will not conform. No, I will not listen to someone's solutions for my life, because I really don't think you have the answers I need. Because you barely even know what my life is. As much as I appreciate your involvement, over indulgence and over interference in ways you think I don't suspect, I don't need that.

Every parent wants only what's best for his / child. Of course, they're parents. They don't get that you can perfect and improve only what the child already is and loves; NOT what they think the child should be or should love. Is the kid argumentative? Does he back his arguments with logic? Have you ever, casually, just run a movie about legal practice across him? Does he like it? She loves prancing around the place all the time? Has she ever been to ballet? Has she experienced the emotions in it? Has she seen a story unfold and has she fallen in love with it? Does your child seem socially awkward, hate conversations, social dos and people in general? But you at least accidentally discover he's a closet writer? Did he pour out his heart and mind in ways very few can think of with words only some may think to use in that way? Did he take to making patterns in the sand and fool around a lot with the crayons you got him? Did you show you things you hadn't thought of before? Did he paint things in a way you wouldn't have thought could be painted?

THAT..is your child. That and that alone is what can be perfected. But not by pushing them into it. By teaching them to have fun with it. Teaching them to love it. Please don't insult my intelligence or anyone else's by saying that's exactly what you did, as a parent. You know better. But more importantly, WE know better.

Mud

Is it me or is it you or is it just that me and you make sense together? It's always easier and better when I write it down.

She: Hey..

Me: Hey.. what's up?

S: Are you still angry with me?

M: Me? Angry? I thought YOU were the one pissed with me. Remember, YOU were the one who never picked up any of my calls. I would've called you a million times. And you couldn't reply to even ONE of them?

S: I was sick okay? I was severely down and was going through my own personal hell.

M: You couldn't at least message to let me know you were'nt okay all this while?

S: I've been busy! I was sick, and then came my friend's wedding. I've been so damn jam packed, I can't tell you. It's just now that I've got time and breathing space.

M: Well should I be honoured you took time out of your busy precious schedule to talk to us mortals?

S: Stop being such a bitch! Come one! I thought you were pissed and that's why you weren't calling me anymore.

M: Um.. du-uh! After calling you a million times and not have you pick any of the calls up, I would be pissed and not want to call you up anymore. .. Anyway, all okay now?

S: Yeah, pretty much. Actually, I need your help.

M: (Awesome.. was wondering why the glitch didn't surface yet.. ) Go on..

S: There's this thing I got to do and I need your help with it.

M: Sure..

I may or may not meet someone worth my while, ever. I'm supposed to stay optimistic meanwhile, right? Despite the fact that I'm surrounded by people who don't get me, won't ever get me, don't care to get me and love their land of denial and shove their perceived right paths in my face and force me down them. Awesome sensation, really, losing yourself altogether and desperately looking for signs to know things are still okay. But really, it's just a progression of denial. It's like a life gone waste. It is, actually, if you haven't had a clue about what you were doing and why you were doing them, in a long long while.

Every stage, every step of the way, if you can't answer where you are, what you're doing and why you're doing it, that's the first sign things aren't going in the right direction. But that's a tidbit for those at the beginning stage of denial. Progressive deniers need something more sophisticated to realise they're in denial. To the above questions, they'd have answers, fantastic sounding ones too. But that's what they sound like, and aren't. Do the answers satisfy you? Are you happy with those answers? Do they make you happy? Are you , not ecstatic, not eclectic, not elated, not deliriously happy, insanely joyous; are you just content and at peace? Are you at peace with the answers that came up when you were introspecting?

If not, my friend, I have bad news for you. This is not your path, this is not your destiny. No matter the monetary costs, no matter what other people think. All the just doesn't fucking matter. You're silently dying inside and your insides know it. And they're trying to tell you that. You're denying it won't make it go away. Interference is the biggest enemy of self reliance. Don't be so lost. At least don't be so morose about it. We'll find a way. With a tune on our lips, a beat in our heart, headed in the direction of the wind, against the tide of faceless humanity pushing and eternally shoving us to go their way. When feeling lost, close your eyes. Focus on what you want to do right now, and just do it. This might just work, who knows! We shall..

People we leave behind

Today, I deleted one of my former bffs from my phone book. Well, she was more than just a best friend, she was my confidante, my philosopher, guide etc. But the operative term here is 'former'. There was no sadness as I did it. There was some bitterness up until this point. But not anymore. No matter how horribly insanely pathetically screwed up things get, people you call your own would still be there at least to hear you, even if it be for the last time. And in turn, would most certainly be able to talk to you about what's bothering them. The day that doesn't happen anymore, they're not worth a second glance.

So yes, metaphorically, psychologically, stupidly, I've considered myself a person of few friends so far. That's been rendered even literally now. Strange how the more people you meet in life, the more your circle expands, the fewer people you discover are worth retaining. Maybe it is for the best. How many relationships can we do justice to at any given point of time? And I'm not talking about having a relationship with your audience at a public meeting sort of thing.

It's not worth regretting ones we've lost. This is where their part ends. Let's be more aware of our story now, shall we? And so the heroine takes charge of her not so praise worthy life style and makes teeny tiny changes, building upon them, as she goes ahead. Uphill it is, from here. But she knows she has herself to rely on, always, no matter what.