Mud

Is it me or is it you or is it just that me and you make sense together? It's always easier and better when I write it down.

She: Hey..

Me: Hey.. what's up?

S: Are you still angry with me?

M: Me? Angry? I thought YOU were the one pissed with me. Remember, YOU were the one who never picked up any of my calls. I would've called you a million times. And you couldn't reply to even ONE of them?

S: I was sick okay? I was severely down and was going through my own personal hell.

M: You couldn't at least message to let me know you were'nt okay all this while?

S: I've been busy! I was sick, and then came my friend's wedding. I've been so damn jam packed, I can't tell you. It's just now that I've got time and breathing space.

M: Well should I be honoured you took time out of your busy precious schedule to talk to us mortals?

S: Stop being such a bitch! Come one! I thought you were pissed and that's why you weren't calling me anymore.

M: Um.. du-uh! After calling you a million times and not have you pick any of the calls up, I would be pissed and not want to call you up anymore. .. Anyway, all okay now?

S: Yeah, pretty much. Actually, I need your help.

M: (Awesome.. was wondering why the glitch didn't surface yet.. ) Go on..

S: There's this thing I got to do and I need your help with it.

M: Sure..

I may or may not meet someone worth my while, ever. I'm supposed to stay optimistic meanwhile, right? Despite the fact that I'm surrounded by people who don't get me, won't ever get me, don't care to get me and love their land of denial and shove their perceived right paths in my face and force me down them. Awesome sensation, really, losing yourself altogether and desperately looking for signs to know things are still okay. But really, it's just a progression of denial. It's like a life gone waste. It is, actually, if you haven't had a clue about what you were doing and why you were doing them, in a long long while.

Every stage, every step of the way, if you can't answer where you are, what you're doing and why you're doing it, that's the first sign things aren't going in the right direction. But that's a tidbit for those at the beginning stage of denial. Progressive deniers need something more sophisticated to realise they're in denial. To the above questions, they'd have answers, fantastic sounding ones too. But that's what they sound like, and aren't. Do the answers satisfy you? Are you happy with those answers? Do they make you happy? Are you , not ecstatic, not eclectic, not elated, not deliriously happy, insanely joyous; are you just content and at peace? Are you at peace with the answers that came up when you were introspecting?

If not, my friend, I have bad news for you. This is not your path, this is not your destiny. No matter the monetary costs, no matter what other people think. All the just doesn't fucking matter. You're silently dying inside and your insides know it. And they're trying to tell you that. You're denying it won't make it go away. Interference is the biggest enemy of self reliance. Don't be so lost. At least don't be so morose about it. We'll find a way. With a tune on our lips, a beat in our heart, headed in the direction of the wind, against the tide of faceless humanity pushing and eternally shoving us to go their way. When feeling lost, close your eyes. Focus on what you want to do right now, and just do it. This might just work, who knows! We shall..